im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Randomize
