The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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