My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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