My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So much Jack, so little girl.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
