Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
