It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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