Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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