I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Vodka?
Forever.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
