cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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