if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
