It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
