Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
