Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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