actually, I'm a sock model
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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