My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
