I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
