He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
