I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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