So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just puked most of my soul out..
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