Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
