i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
