That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
