I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
