LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Rumble strips road head = magical
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
