I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
