He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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