I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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