After last night, I could never be a politician.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
