Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
