Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
