Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
