My friends, they love my intelligence
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you win again, gameday.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
