I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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