There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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