There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
