i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
