Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
