i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
foreskin is a definite game changer
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize