her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
