It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
