R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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