While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
