WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
