drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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