She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
