So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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