I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
