Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
