Don't you send me to vm
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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