i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
