guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
