Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
