summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
