I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
