i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
