Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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